A Continuing Journey Of Belief And Faith

A Continuing Journey Of Belief And Faith

You could say I am a cradle Christian. I grew up in a household which went to church on Sunday and in which Christianity was practised. Does being a cradle Christian make me more as a follower of Christ? “the cradle-Christian may be unable to discern the influence of the Holy Spirit in his life”: -IIItyd Trethowan. I have just thought about belief and faith (and the difference between them) When my father told me that he would be taking us to picnic at Batu Sapi I believed him. I knew he would take us there. I had faith in him.

Belief

But I have only been a cultural Christian. How do we view others and other Christians? There is a third person in each one of us. I believe this third person is what Thomas Merton called our “true self”. Who we are in our fullness is known only to God. Therefore, our truest identity requires seeking and discovering God. Each one’s relationship with God is unique. No one can set a path, way or method for someone else to follow because that would mean diverging the other’s spiritual journey. Only God through the Holy Spirit can lead us, and it is up to each believer to discover and to response to the Holy Spirit. But first we have to believe in the Holy Spirit. Whether we believe or not it is as true and timeless as the human quest for authenticity. More importantly, if we do not believe, the quest for authenticity will lead us nowhere. But belief is the product of what we think. It is a product of our mind. Because we live in a fallen world our mind is already disadvantaged and we constantly run in trouble. Most likely our belief is rooted in our upbringing and culture and to a certain extend in our education. Our belief can be in direct conflict with what we know is true. Some time belief shifts because of peer pressures. We change our attitudes, values or behaviors to conform to those who have influence on us. Belief can shift with cultural norm!

Faith

Faith is an attitude of accepting that we don’t know. It is different from belief. If we know then faith is unnecessary. Knowing does not create faith. We remain humble to not know in the context of faith. “Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up.”: -James 4:10. St. Benedict also emphasized humility as a way to overcome self-will. Self-will is that inherent tendency within us to get our own way. It manifests a deep self-centeredness that is debilitating because it gets in the way of loving God and our neighbour- which is the only way for us to find joy and fulfillment. Unlike belief, the Christian faith is the product of the Holy Spirit. Faith is a living, bold trust in grace. Faith is God’s grace working in us. This grace kills the old Adam and makes us completely different people. It transforms us and gives new birth. “which were born, not of blood, nor of the will of the flesh, nor of the will of man, but of God”: -John 1:13.

Wisdom

This blog is written in the midst of the Coronavirus (covid-19) pandemic. We are all fearful. Fear and faith have something in common. They both ask us to believe in something we cannot see. Fear is the absence of faith or that faith that does not work. Fear fill the cracks in our mind and our heart in the absence of faith. Faith is the certainty that we get the support we need to overcome this crisis. Wisdom is the ability to take the support and turn it into the resources we need. Should we rely purely on faith in this crisis? I believe the answer is: Prayer, Prevention and Protection and in that order. It is important to be prepared. God gives us the wisdom to discern what is required of us.

Buenos Aires

In the middle of the Coronavirus outbreak we arrived Buenos Aires by air from Toronto as related in my blog :- http://www.freepilgrim.com/journey-to-antarctica/. As we had watched the movie “The Two Popes” we decided to visit the Metropolitan Cathedral of Buenos Aires where Pope Francis once served as Archbishop. The story in the movie, written by Anthony McCarten, contains narratives which visualize scenes behind the walls of the Vatican where conservative Pope Benedict XVI and liberal Pope Francis had to find common grounds to forge a new path for the Catholic Church. The Metropolitan Cathedral of Buenos Aires is the main Catholic church located in the city center, overlooking Plaza de Mayo, in the San Nicolás neighbourhood. This was where Archbishop Jorge Bergoglio (now Pope Francis) used to perform mass before assuming office in the Vatican in 2013.

Cathedral & Revelation

The Metropolitan Cathedral of Buenos Aires also houses a museum which exhibits some of Pope Francis’s personal and liturgical objects. As a pilgrim I have the tendency to visit churches whenever I visit a new place and find myself as a stranger in town. Although I love to see old churches with their colourful paintings, artifacts and mosaics I am no longer visiting them merely for the arts. Today there is something more that attracts me: a kind of interior peace. I sat down on the side of the pew at the back of this Cathedral. The place was quite full for a Sunday on February 2nd, 2020. The people consisted of young, middle-aged and old. There was something that distinguished them from the congregation in the Anglican church of Canada that I have come across. They also sat in silence. I liked that. I love the silence despite the size of the congregation. I found peace in it. I ceased to view the worshippers with criticism. I believe it is Christ who established His Church, among other reasons that we may seek salvation. He came to establish the church in our hearts. The people are His church. It is the Holy Spirit who draws us to Christ through the action and encouragement of our fellow men.

What a revelation it was to discover so many ordinary people in a place together, more conscious of God than of one another showing off their ornaments or clothes or the way they dressed. They were there probably for religious and spiritual reason or purely to fulfill a Christian obligation. In some churches I know, we were there, often, to have an eye or the corner of one eye for a member or members of the congregation, if not with the whole of both of our eyes.

I could not see the altar very well. There were somethings or other. Some people were praying by themselves and many were on their knees. I was absorbed in the thing as a whole: the business of the altar and the people. As I watched the late comers hastily genuflecting before entering the pew, I realised that I had omitted to do it. I got the idea that at least one person or may be more had spotted me and noticed my omission. Perhaps they or at least one of them might have taken me for a pagan and waiting for me to miss a few more genuflects before giving me a facial expression of reproof… Soon we all stood up. I did not know or understand what the purpose of it was. I eventually figured out that the priest was going to read the gospel: the Good News in this troubled time, in this our fallen world.

Devil’s Island & Sunday Service

Fast forward, it is now passed Ash Wednesday and by now we had already been informed of the problem on the Diamond Princess. The vessel’s passengers were to be tested for coronavirus at the Terminal in Yokohama, south of Tokyo. Meanwhile we were on the Island Princess and our journey continued on to Devil’s Island. I had a glimpse of the place where tens of thousands of prisoners were doomed to live lives of servitudes on what came to be known as the colony of the dammed. We attended a non-denominational Sunday Service on board and the hymns were familiar to us which I enjoyed singing and praising Him. At that moment I was thinking that St. Augustine must have touched something special and smooth because he was thinking about singing and praying to God. Perhaps that was why he said: “to sing is to pray twice”.

Trinidad & Forefathers

Our ship called at Trinidad, an island my great grandfather and his family stayed (for a while) on their way back to China from British Guiana where they had worked as indentured labourers in the late 1800s. There, we met a taxi driver of the Khan clan from India, not from Pakistan. His forefathers arrived Trinidad and Tobago around the time my forefathers were there. I told him I had a close Muslim acquaintance in Sabah by the name of Majid Khan whose brother Khayyam (a carpet dealer) used to sell us beautiful rugs for our house on Signal Hill. As he was taking us to the Saint Benedict Abbey, he pre-emptively told us that he is not Muslim but a converted Christian of the Pentecostal denomination in Trinidad which believes that revisionist theology on gay marriage violates God’s intentional design. His conversion to Christianity also appeared to me that Dakwah, which is central to contemporary Islamic thought, was conspicuously absent here in Trinidad.

Benedictine Monastery

The Saint Benedictine Abbey established in 1912, situated high up on a hill 1300 metres above sea level, is an active Benedictine monastery following the Order of St. Benedict. This monastery is located in the northwestern town of St. Augustine in Tunapuna–Piarco in Trinidad and Tobago. The Benedictine Order was founded by Saint Benedict of Nursia who wrote The Rule of Saint Benedict followed by all Benedictines. The Abbey reminded us of our visit to Sacro Speco in Subiaco, Italy where we spent considerable time Ref: http://www.freepilgrim.com/solitude/ Benedict, born in 480 in Nursia, Italy, was sent by his family to Rome to study law. Revolted by the immorality of the city, he decided to spend his days in seclusion and prayer. Young Benedict gained a following and established the Benedictine order. The motto of Benedictine Order is “Ora et Labora” – ‘Pray and Work’. This regimen is hard for me to follow. Perhaps writing this blog is considered “work”. I hope it is considered so by God and perhaps by St. Benedict if this technology was available in his time. Perhaps this monastic regimen is not an end in itself, but it’s end is health for the soul. This is probably what the monastic way of life, as a regimen, aims at.

Today, with its tower and red roofs, Saint Benedict Abbey consists of a church, a monastery, a seminary, a drug rehabilitation centre and a yogurt factory. The monastic objectives of the Abbey were clearly displayed. It welcomes and draws people of all faiths seeking solace, peace, and fulfillment. Beside the spiritual purpose of trying to understand the monastic motto (“pray and work”) and the regimen I also took time to enjoy the view from the hillside. This place offered a pristine lookout over the surrounding forests and the town below.

Gone By 2040?

On our way back to the ship from the taxi stand where Khan dropped us off, we came across (as if by accident) The Holy Trinity Cathedral of Trinidad and Tobago. This Cathedral is an Anglican Cathedral located in the heart of the capital Port of Spain. It was built in the 1800s and its architecture is of that period with beautiful stain-glass windows in a mosaic of colours. As I was sitting on one of the pews inside, in silence, I was reminded of a Paper I wrote in early 2008 entitled: “The end of Anglicanism in Canada?”. Just before we left on this journey, I had read an article in the Anglican Journal which appeared to me to confirm what I had imagined and believed way back in early 2000. I feel very sad for the Anglican Church of Canada…but there is still hope…

Gifts & Extended Adolescence

At Barbados, I believe, we were guided (with perfect timing) by the Holy Spirit to the St. Mary’s church to witness a children choir practising. These adorable children appeared to be more “with it” and “in it” than we were as we listened to their gifted voice…I knew they were not just singing but singing from their hearts. In a strange way they minded me of an incident at which I was told not to sing.

Most of my friends and relatives know I was a child chorister at our church in Sandakan. One evening in Advent, a long time ago, when I was perhaps 12 or 13 years old, we went out to sing carols at the home of the General Manager of Harrisons & Crossfield. Both my father and our Choir Master were the staff of this British trading company. The boss was entertaining guests at the Company’s Christmas party. In the middle of our singing my Choir Master quietly signalled me to stop singing. I was naturally hurt. It turned out that my voice was breaking as I was in transition from a child to a young adult (and eventually to manhood). I am thankful to have lived in that era when boys became men. It is observed that too many boys and young men today are stuck in the stage of extended adolescence. Young men are now spending most of their time on video games, Netflix and internet trolling. In this new “pre-adulthood” many (to my mind) are perhaps finding it difficult to take on some adult responsibilities- including marriage. We are now living in a new age in society that has a lot of confusion about what men are good for. Men are often over criticized as being insensitive, agressive and/or misogynistic. I mean OVER criticized to the extend that the adjective “toxic” is used to describe “masculinity”. Something good as “masculinity” is, and created by God, should never be challenged and rejected. Some psychologists and sociologists have also argued that masculine identity is in deep crisis in our culture and that the rise of women has also turned men into boys. We should not, in the process of lifting up a section of society, by pushing down the other. Being raised in North Borneo (Sabah) and educated in conservative England in the early sixties I like to think that these psychologists and sociologists are probably right. But I really do not know. Others have said it’s rubbish to think so. Who am I to say they are wrong, and the others are right…

Admiral Nelson Drunken Sailor & St. John

Since 2012 it has been my intention to revisit Antigua from where a couple of our friends in our parish of St. John’s have originated. May and I visited this island 8 years ago. The famous British Vice-Admiral Horatio Nelson (who was created 1st Viscount Nelson in 1801) of the Napoleonic wars was Senior Naval Officer of the Leeward Islands and stationed on Antigua. We had on the previous occasion visited the famous Nelson Dockyard where a story of a sailor by the name of William Clarke had been told. “Think of me tonight with a woman in my arms and a bottle of rum in my belly,” said William Clarke to his fellow seamen in Antigua’s English Harbour. On one other occasion this sailor was found guilty by court martial for his behaviour. Nelson, as commanding officer of the frigate “Boreas‘” spared him from hanging.

But the real reason I wanted to revisit the island was to have the opportunity to see the process of restoration of the Anglican Cathedral of our parish namesake. Ref :- http://www.freepilgrim.com/journey-to-patmos/. The restoration of this old building is a costly and technically challenging endeavour that is rife with uncertainty.

Third (3rd) Incarnation

The earthquakes in 1683 and in 1745 destroyed the structures. This Cathedral has also “suffered” the force of Category 4 hurricane and the cruelty of time. “Time neither respects persons nor things. None – not even imposing buildings and monuments – can withstand the passage of time unscathed without at least some help.” There is a donation box near the Font for those who do not want the left hand to know what the right hand does. Many have helped in this 3rd “incarnation”. I hope my friends from Antigua will soon witness services in this corner stone and historical pillar of Christian identity of this country.

Where would we be tonight?

It was now passed First Sunday in Lent. We were still cruising back to Fort Lauderdale from where we would take our flight home. But the Coronavirus (covid-19) epidemic, even though not yet a pandemic, was beginning to create uncertainty. Many cruise ships had been turned away from Caribbean ports or had to anchor offshore under quarantine. For weeks, New Yorkers had braced for the arrival of the coronavirus. On first Sunday in Lent (March 1^st, 2020) Governor Andrew M. Cuomo announced and confirmed New York State’s first case of the coronavirus, saying that a woman had contracted the virus while traveling in Iran and was now in New York City isolated in her home. CDC warned of a pandemic. Would our ship The Island Princess be turned away from Port Everglades, Fort Lauderdale? Even if we were allowed to disembark, we would still have to take a flight to LaGuardia Airport in New York. There is no direct flight from Fort Lauderdale to Vancouver. The transit time at busy LaGuardia is 4 hours. Where would we be tonight? I was reminded of the time we were on the Camino de Santiago, Ref: http://www.freepilgrim.com/camino-de-santiago- not knowing (after the first week) where we would be spending the night. But at the end of the day, and in all the following evenings thereafter, God showed us a la casa…

So, by His grace we got home safe and healthy and slept in our own bed.

Just a thought: It is hard to hold on to our faith in these troubled times. Perhaps I will try to understand and take lesson from the Book of Job. Job was a good man and yet God allowed Satan to do what he did. Though God called Job blameless and upright, but when God showed Job his sin, he repented: not just superficially but with deep sincere remorse and sorrow.

I believe we are living in a fallen world. I have faith in God. I am confident that in the end God will see us through this crisis.

God’s promise to Joshua and Israel still applies to us today: Joshua 1:9.